Crafting is INDEED a beach, and I have been terribly remiss in my Craft Wars recaps!! I wasn’t going to bother trying to catch up or keep up, but after receiving encouraging comments from two Craft Wars crafters and meeting two others in person at Renegade, well now I feel it’s my duty! Let the Craft Wars Re-cap Marathon BEGIN!
Let me re-state that it has been a few weeks since I’ve actually seen this episode, so there will be a lot of paraphrasing fun!
The craftestants for Crafting’s A Beach were BlogGirl, CraftMyAssOff, and PowerTools.
BlogGirl has … a blog. The fact that she referred to her BRAND really stuck out in my mind. You may recognize the guy in the middle as the one who was like, “IM GONNA CRAFT MY ASS OFF” in the teasers for this show, and that’s something you can’t un-hear. PowerTools mentioned her helper was really handy with…power tools, and that’s the only thing I can remember right now.
The 1 hour Pop Craft challenge: Make a bird house out of stuff from a junk drawer.
BlogGirl took one look at that drawer and said, “What am I supposed to do with a drawer full of CRAP?” and proceeded to whip off her scarf cuz shit was about to get SERIOUS!
CraftMyAssOff worked on LIGHTING his birdhouse. WIN!
PowerTools wielding a power tool.
I was seeing a LOT of glue gun here. I AM LOOKING AT YOU, BlogGIRL!
Unfortunately, whenever Tori goes to speak to the craftestants, I feel like this is pretty useless footage. She doesn’t have the same nuggets of wisdom that Tim Gunn has on Project Runway, or that conversational zazz that Alton Brown has on Top Chef, and then the craftestants always look so hurried that they really can’t hold a decent conversation anyway. She does seem very caring and concerned, but it’s too bad she can’t give them little helpful hints.
Now let’s get to the judging. Tori and the judges were very concerned about the fact that the birdhouses needed to be functional, i.e. water proof, sturdy, etc., like you would use these in REALITY.
PowerTools was first with her playing card bird house. It also had a cluster of keys underneath for wind chimes.
Stephen took issue with a bird house having wind chimes.
Jo was very concerned about the playing card shingles and their lack of weather resistance.
Ok, I didn’t know that Outdoor Mod Podge existed either. Preach it, Jo! (Jo actually always seems really nice, like you’d want her to be your grandma. I like making her sound super tuff, tho. OUTDOOR MOD PODGE. I BUTTAH MAH WAFFLES WIDDIT, SUCKA.)
Next up was CraftMyAssOff with his nod to “mid century modern.” If you use astrotuf, you win in my book.
I believe Jo did not think the v-shape of the roof was very practical for the rainy season.
I didn’t take a screenshot of further commentary on this bird house because I was really disturbed by how much overdubbing was starting to occur. Like, any time you hear someone talking but can’t SEE them talking, the commentary is likely to be overdubbed. It doesn’t take an A/V genius to figure this out because the audio is so much different when this occurs. They need to get a better sound editor so I don’t lose my mind! I mean, this is supposed to be reality television. I know it’s not all real, but can you at least make it SOUND REAL?
Next up: BlogGirl’s drawer-full-of-crap bird house. She had planned to paint certain panels in order to create more unity, but ran out of time.
Tori stated solemnly, that sometimes, in crafting, less is more…
…and bid adieu to BlogGirl, who had to pack up her glue gun.
And now the 5 hour Master Craft challenge: make a set of patio furniture out of beach “stuff” like towels, beach balls, and boogie boards.
There was a moment when Tori went to talk to PowerTools, and PowerTools looked very busy and hot and sweaty, and Tori, filled with maternal instinct, WIPED PowerTool’s SWEAT WITH HER HANDS.
To which PowerTools said outloud:
Did you ever think about the fact that it’s doubtful the judges and Tori hang out on set for 5 whole hours while the craftestants saw stuff and paint things? Maybe they do. SOMEONE LIFT THE VEIL FOR ME. (Okay, Cheryl, winner of Ep. 1, just told us that the judges do in fact go out to lunch and have the fun times during the 5 hour craft sesh and are not sitting there as it would appear on TV. I think they should film that, too. It would be a funny contrast! “Should we pop back into the studio to make some comments about glue?” “No, I’m not finished with my tiramisu, and my cappuccino hasn’t even arrived yet.” “We shouldn’t come to this cafe again. The chairs need to be recovered and the wall color is making my heart cry.” )
Ok, I think what she was actually saying was, “WHO WANTS THE CRAFT LOW DOWN!?” followed more hideous overdubbing about what CraftMyAssOff and PowerTools were building.
Now the judging!
CraftMyAssOff made a really finished-looking set. The piece de resistance was this lounge chair made out of stacked boogie boards, and Tori actually sat on it. I liked his serving tray lined with beach ball material. I probably wouldn’t want towels as my light coverings as I would be afraid of FIRE, but overall, I think he did a fine job. Except, Stephen may have felt differently.
PowerTools created a funky looking wave table and kind of a weird couch thing with a volleyball net canopy. I couldn’t seem to get a very good snap of her pieces.
Seriously, my first thought about the wave table was whether or not my fictitious toddler would cut his face open on a wave. But let’s just pretend this furniture is for grown ups only.
Stephen seemed very focused on her use of rope as accents. He kept saying it was WESTERN and CONFUSING.
I didn’t think it looked any more Tiki or OK Corral than CraftMyAssOff’s. ROPE IS NAUTICAL AS WELL, STEPHEN!! Rope: it’s not just for cowboys. Rope: it’s also for sailors, serial killers, and construction of beach-themed patio furnitures.
But regardless, there were lots of issues with her canopy looking funky and unfinished, as her frame was unstained, and she simply tossed towels over the top of it.
I think Jo may have said it looked like a towel rack. But Erika really loved the pillows made of towels and wet-suit material… so I think the theme was TOWELS, hence the towel rack would be appropriate, yes!?
Tori – now Sweat Sisters with PowerTools, SweatSisters 4 Lyfe – supported PowerTools’ craft passion.
Tori has said that crafting is all about the details, and crafting is all about passion, but passion was not the winner’s weapon in this Craft War, and the victor was CraftMyAssOff. *AssConfettis*
p.s. As I mentioned before, I have been out of the Craft Wars loop for a few weeks (doh!), so I don’t know what the crafting public thinks of the show now, except that a little girl asked if I was the Asian girl from the show (next episode). I noticed in the beginning that a lot of the crafting on this show was taking a lot of heat for being ugly or even “giving crafting a BAD name.” I think before saying these kinds of things out loud, pretend you’re on the show, with an hour to make something beautiful involving paint and glue and crap from a junk drawer. Do you really have such an ego that you think you could do SO MUCH BETTER? Okay, maybe you could, there are lots of talented crafters out there with great taste, but an hour really is not a lot of time. Sometimes I can barely get dressed in an hour. I have also seen comments where people say that the projects on the show are un-creative and look like things you can buy in a store. YOU PEOPLE WILL NEVER BE PLEASED! On the one hand, you think stuff is too crazy and weird and therefore ugly, and on the other hand, you think the other stuff is too polished and clean! HELLO!?
Opinions on the ugly/pretty-ness of Craft Wars projects aside… I read a cool blog entry about Craft Wars that I really liked. Sadly I can’t remember right now where I read it, so if you know, let me know know, and I’ll edit this entry.
**EDITS*** Thank you, Cheryl ! The blog entry was by Margot Potter, another contestant on the show. Check it out!! ****
She said, that if you are a fan of crafting and a self-proclaimed crafter, that you should try to support and embrace this show, that there are not many or any other shows like this about crafting, and that if we support this one, maybe more will begin to pop up, and these shows about crafting help get the word out and introduce people to the world of crafting books you’ve written or crafting supplies you’ve designed or patterns you’ve posted, and it could over all just HELP you, as opposed to you pointing your fingers and despising all that is Craft Wars.
Clearly, I think there are weird problems with the show, but overall, I really liked this blogger’s attitude about the whole thing and wanted to underline it!
