Fire up your glue guns… This is Craft Wars!

Did you guys catch Craft Wars on TLC last week? Since tonight is the 2nd episode, I thought I would show you what the first one was about in case you missed it. In a nutshell: it’s not bad, but it’s not great. The show tries really hard to squeeze drama out of something that is not that dramatic. I am interested in what the crafters end up making, but the editing of the show seems weird to me, like a lot of things that people say sound canned and rehearsed and pre-written, and sometimes too catch-phrase-y and pun-y. I think if you watched the show on mute, you would still enjoy it.

The show is hosted by Tori Spelling, who is apparently a long time crafter with her own craft line. I never watched Tori & Dean, so all I know of her is DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!

Truth be told, I don’t keep up with the who’s who of the crafting world and haven’t heard of the judges or their companies (aside from Michaels, obvs), but then again, judges on a lot of cooking shows are not household names to me either, so I don’t hold that against these guys.

There are three contestants, and the show is divided into two parts: the Pop Craft challenge, which is like the Quickfire Challenge on Top Chef, and then the Master Craft Challenge. In last week’s episode, the pop craft challenge was making a duffel/sports bag out of sports equipment in one hour.

They also have access to a bunch of craft supplies sponsored by Michaels, as well as a construction zone with wood and stuff outside.

The Michaels wall had shelves that went way up high to the ceiling, and people had to climb on ladders to reach the stuff they wanted. This seemed very scary and dangerous to me!!!

The crafters got to bring a helper, who ended up being all men, two husbands and one dad.

A huge point of dramadramz seemed to be HOT GLUE. One lady was making a gym bag with a tennis racket on the bottom for ventilation, and she was hot gluing the racket to her bag, to which Tori seemed extremely concerned, as the judges DO NOT LIKE GLUE STRINGS!!! NO THEY DO NOT.

To which the crafter replied:

I thought E6000 was the duct tape of the crafting world?

Ok, here are the bags.

This first one was very colorful and full of balls, plastic toy balls accenting the shoulder strap, and pom pom trim also accenting the shoulder strap. One of the judges commented on this, and I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it was like, “I just don’t want all these BALLS FLYING IN MY FACE!” The big no-no on on her bag seemed to be that she used ballet shoes as pockets (those yellow things on the sides of the bag), and that they were NOT practical because stuff would just fall out of them. You might think that it’s weird to consider ballet slippers as pockets, but the Tennis Racket Lady ALSO used ballet slippers as pockets!! However, she turned them the other way for PRACTICAL STORAGE.

Most of Tennis Racket Lady’s bag was made out of cheerleader outfits, to which one of the judges said:

The third lady actually made a bag that looked pretty good to me.

Classic, right?

But the back was a hot mess cuz she ran out of time.

Actually the boy judge praised her for installing a zipper in her bag because that can be difficult. I quickly read a conversation on someone’s Facebook page about how EASY it is to install a zipper, thus making this show SO LAMEZ. I am not a seamstress, so installing a zipper DOES SEEM HARD TO ME! I could never survive on this show, since there was a LOT of sewing going on, and I have barely touched a sewing machine because I am afraid it will eat my fingers and leave me with carny hands.

So it ended up being the Tennis Racket Lady who got the boot in the Pop Craft challenge.

When you get kicked off of Craft Wars, Tori tells you, “Pack up your glue gun. You’re done in this craft war.”

Given their propensity for witty or pun-filled one-liners, I feel like the writers could have tried a little harder with the good-bye tagline. I mean, the show is supposed to be showcasing creativity! What about,

“Pack up your glue gun. Your work here just didn’t STICK.”

“Pack up your glue gun. We’re pulling the plug on you.”

“Drop your glue gun. You’ve lost this craft war.”Β  (guns….war….see?)

“Pack up your glue gun. Your project lacked integrity due to your reliance on aforementioned and sub-par glue gun.”

Okay, I’m not gonna sit here and think that hard about it, but you see what I’m getting at!

Next up was the Master Craft Challenge. The remaining two contestants had to build a play house out of school supplies. They had 5 hours and a bunch of assistants to do so.

The Lots of Balls Bag lady wanted to build a playhouse that looked like a yellow school bus, and she went cray cray with the Mod Podge. The Football Accents lady wanted to build one that looked like a little red school house, and her hubby was very concerned about it being structurally sound, and it had this crazy framework like a real house. They ran into a slight problemo with the pieces not fitting, but he was on it.

As always, there is a race to the finish. The yellow school bus house had lots of neat stuff to play with inside, but the little red school house was way cuter and polished in my opinion!

Check out the giant No.2 pencil columns! These were apparently a big point of drama for the judges. One judge was all, “I love the pencils, but ACTUALLY putting ‘No.2’ on them just made the whole thing TOO KITSCHY. It’s just going TOO FAR!” (I’m paraphrasing. I watched this a week ago and can’t really remember.) And then the other judge interrupted her and was like, “EEENH! WRONG!! THE DETAIL IS AWESOME!”

And then two seconds later, Tori says that they have a unanimous decision. But they were just totally fighting and disagreeing!

Anyway, the No.2 pencils won the day, and the Football Bag/Little Red School House lady was victorious.

Overall, I just wish the stuff that everyone said seemed more like real talk and less scripted. I know that scenes often take several takes, and the stuff people say starts getting more and more fake, but, I figure there has to be a tiny solution since I don’t usually feel overwhelmed by this when watching stuff like Top Chef or Project Runway.

Anyway, I will probably keep tuning in. I wanna see if someone ever falls off the craft wall ladder.



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44 Replies to “Fire up your glue guns… This is Craft Wars!”

  1. MaDonna says:

    HMMMMMMMMMM i don’t know how i feel about this show, but I know how I feel about this recap. IT IS GREAT.

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      Thank you, bunny!
      It was kind of a lot of work, so I don’t know that I’ll do it every week. We’ll see how inspiring the episodes are heheheh.

  2. Izabelle says:

    I was a bit disappointed with this show, not that I had high expectations going into it or anything but it almost…made crafting seem like a joke?

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      I get what you mean. I think they are just trying really hard to be clever and entertaining, and to also inject drama into a situation that may not be that dramatic, so it just comes off all weird.

  3. Christina says:

    “I will put my lunabar up in there” I DIE!!! bahahaha! I hope that this is a running commentary you’re gonna do every week… haha!

    I agree about the show seeming too scripted. I was REALLY excited when I saw the adverts for this show, and was a bit disappointed when I actually watched it. I guess I don’t find it hard to see people being creative with such an ARSENAL of supplies right at hand. I mean, who HAS all this stuff right at their disposal? I think it would be more creative if they limited their supplies. (And more interesting!) Like, “Ok crafters, We want you to make a dog bed. with 5 paperclips, some 2 skeins of yarn, a box of toothpicks, and this whatever this hobo has in their pockets.” Ya know, be more like real life.


    1. TwinkieChan says:

      You have a really good point! Maybe in future episodes they will get a little more specific, like, you can’t use your sewing machine, or, you can’t use nails or something!

  4. cam says:

    I didn’t even think such a show existed.
    And as for Tori Spelling, I had stopped at 90210 too!
    Loved the recap though!

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      There is SOOOOO much on TV these days!

  5. Lindsay says:

    AHH i just watched this and your recap made me giggle so much! pretty much exactly what i was thinking as i watched it– why all this unnecessary drama? they’re just glue gun strings and big fake pencils! also “Lots of Balls Bag Lady” is truly a great nickname. please do more recaps of this show! :]

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      I think they don’t think we’ll watch the show if there’s no drama!

  6. I share your feeling of the show – but your recap rocked! LMAO! you totally need to recap every seg and ill just wait for your post! And Im bummed b/c I LOVE Tori and Love her reality show and the wedding planner show – oh well…sigh
    OMG! and E6000 is the duct tape of the craft world – HAHAHAHAHA!!! …although I wish they would come up with a pump dispneser – I hate working with it!

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      Yeah E6000 has never been the miracle for me that it seems to be for everyone else. I think I’m doing it wrong hehehehhe nothing every stays stuck together πŸ˜›

      Doing the recap is fun, but it is kinda time consuming! πŸ˜›

  7. Katie K says:

    Carny hands…. I am going to have to use that…

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      little hand syndrome!

  8. Holly R. says:

    I tried to watch, but Tori Spelling scares me β€’_β€’ I think you need to write these every week and save me the horror of ‘reality’ TV…or just do your own craft show on TLC! Yay! ‘The Twinkie Show’ *^.^*

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      When I saw snippets of other episodes, I think she looked less scary…I think it was just a really harsh hair do πŸ˜›

  9. Heidi says:

    I didn’t watch it but your recap was awesome and hilarious and I totally hope you do them weekly!

    Also… I am afraid it will eat my fingers and leave me with carny hands. I love you.

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      They are fun but they are so time consuming!!!!! We’ll see if I stay inspired πŸ˜‰

  10. Crystal says:

    I WANT that craft wall sooo bad

    1. TwinkieChan says:


  11. Ellen says:

    I don’t have cable so I couldn’t watch it – but now I feel like I did! Thanks!

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      Haha you’re welcome! I probably let out a lot of stuff, but I guess you got the idea πŸ˜‰

  12. Candy Calavera says:

    This show sounds uber boring, but your recap makes it sound so much more interesting. I wish that you would continue to give us your commentary on future episodes.

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      We’ll see how long I can keep it up. It’s the photos that kinda take forever ;P

  13. Kelsea says:

    Haha WHAT? Craft Wars? This is so ridiculous!!! I enjoyed your post a lot. =) I am a little impressed by those schoolhouses though!

  14. Jenilee says:

    Ah! Crafts aren’t supposed to be competitive! We’re a different breed of creators!

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      I dunno. I’ve witnessed some competitive drama…. maybe not of the same kind, but still! πŸ˜›

  15. Danielle says:

    I actually watched that episode the other day and had to leave before the last challenge was finished so thanks for the screen cap! I watched the birdhouse/patio furniture episode tonight. Ohhhh my gosh, the show is so cheesy, and I agree, the dubbing they do is so obvious and terrible… it’s really distracting! I’m sure these sorts of shows do a lot of post-production dubbing but this one is SO WEIRDLY DONE and so very fake sounding. And I also agree that they try way too hard to make it dramatic when it clearly is not. Ohhh let’s glue this crap onto this other crap, so much intense action! WHO WILL PREVAIL???

    The show would be a million times better if Amy Sedaris was the host… she would be so perfect! A crafting queen AND actually entertaining to watch.

    A+++ review!

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      Ooh good call on Amy Sedaris!

      I am also reminded of Iron Chef. They really ham it up and make it dramatic, and it’s so over the top, that you get that it’s kind of kooky and supposed to be overdramatic and therefore it becomes funny. Unfortunately, I don’t think Craft Wars is quite there !

    2. Jenilee says:

      I watched that one last night! I didn’t get to see who won though, b/c my couch always sucks me into a coma. Did the guy win? blink once for yes, or twice for no!

      I still don’t see how Tori Spelling fits into the whole craftiness…I’ve seen her reality tv show and she has never done anything crafty (that I know of)

      p.s. that craft wall is DA BOMB!!!!!!!!!!

  16. Sheri says:

    Loooove this recap, can you do every episode pleeeease?

    Also if you want a competition show to compare the former to, Craft Wars follows the exact same formula as TLC’s Cupcake Wars (obviously, because they’re both on TLC)! Also they both have terrible puns/lines related to their topic (I think the Cupcake Wars goodbye line is that you “just didn’t measure up” or something).

  17. Traci Remley says:

    OMG I almost just peed my pants. In that I am the “Tennis Racket Lady” I’m just glad I didn’t end up being the “ball lady” hahahaha. You can put your luna bar in my bag any day! Please do this for every episode! Agreed about the show sounding fake. Enough said!

    The Tennis Racket Lady

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      HELLO, TENNIS RACKET LADY!!! I feel like my blog has been visited by a celebrity! πŸ˜‰

      I didn’t know about the show until they started promoting the commercials for it, but a bunch of people were like, “Oh YOU should be on that!” but I can’t even imagine having the wherewithal to create anything judge-worthy. You’re a brave soul!! I hope you had more fun than not-fun! πŸ™‚

      1. Traci Remley says:

        hahaha, def not a celeb, but thanks for the boost! It was totally fun and something I can laugh about now. You should totally do it. Just somethin to cross of the old bucket list I guess! Just FYI it was actually The Football Accent Lady who told me about this post… She totally facebooked it, and she is like a rockstar lol!

    2. Ellyssa says:

      I actually liked your bag Tennis racket lady, I bet it would have looked even better if they gave you more time, and I would put my lunabar in there too Twinkie! I think that 1 hour is NOT nearly enough time to make a bag, What can you make in 1 hour? A\ birthday card? Given the time they had, I think they did a good job. I’m not sure about the school bus idea, I mean it was a cute idea. I just don’t get what the 2 circles on the side are. I think the Red school house is adorable!

      1. Traci Remley says:

        Thanks! It was a totally fun/rediculous experience. I don’t get a whole lot done in an hour of normal life, so I figure that’s an accomplishment in itself.

  18. Snerkie says:

    Am I the only one confused on why the yellow school bus was so huge? I couldn’t figure out why it was that big, no kid would feel like they were in a school bus and more a prison courtyard or something.

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      Yeah I was also surprised that the judges didn’t mention that at all, like some of the activities may have been too tall for a small child to reach! I figured mayve they didn’t feel like cutting the wood down? I dunno. There would have been a lot less to mod podge!

  19. Becky says:

    First of all OMG Tennis Racket Lady hollerin!

    Secondly, I don’t have cable either and this recap just made my day ^_^ You pretty much confirmed everything I’d thought it would be haha

  20. great re-cap post. you are hilarious. Please do a re-cap every week!

  21. OK….you are hysterical!
    I am on the show later in the season and CAN NOT wait to hear what you have to say about my work.
    PS….The tennis racket lady sent me! She rocks!!!

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      Oh my gosh! Hello!!! AHHHH!!! How fun! Now I have something to look forward to in the season!!!!

  22. Such a funny re-cap! I love it. And I love the show! I also can’t complain about the amount of Mod Podge that’s been used. Uh-mazing.

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