Life Changes

Hi, friends,

So sorry for radio silence and lack of real updates. A lot has been changing in my life, and I’ll blog about all of it eventually.

For now, I just wanted to let you know that Bibi passed away on Monday night.

As you might have read before, Bibi has been battling mast cell tumors for more than a year. She has had 3 surgeries, 2 rounds of chemo, and recently, one radiation treatment. Before she had her radiation treatment, we knew we would probably never beat this cancer, but we kept trying, because she seemed to remain in good spirits. However, during her 2nd chemo round, her leg had swelled so much from groin to ankle that her oncologist told us the only way to relieve just the swelling was probably radiation, so we tried. She also started to have difficulty breathing, which was attributed to possible pneumonia. Within a week, she became extremely lethargic, so we held off on any further treatment. 2 weeks later, she was no longer wanting to eat. Her anemia got worse, and she was just so weak. One of her oncologist was trying to figure out why she was anemic and thought maybe there was a bleed somewhere in her GI tract. Bibi spent all day in bed and would only get up to drink water or go to the bathroom. We syringed water into her mouth so she wouldn’t have to get up every time. I ended up ย hand-feeding her each meal and making home-cooked food and just trying everything I could to get her to eat something, but it quickly became very clear that she was telling us something, and that it was time to let her go. Manda helped me take her to get one more ultrasound, and it showed a lot of problems with different organs, including her heart. It was a really difficult decision, and you never know if you are doing the right thing. We had a home appointment, and it was very peaceful, and she passed surrounded by the people who loved her the most.

As a single, childless dog-lady, losing my pup has left a huge hole in my heart. Even sadder, Bunny behaved very oddly in the first 48 hours after Bibi left. They had never behaved as if they were that bonded, but Bunny already acted weird when the vet came to to our house, and she became listless and would not eat. Luckily, she has started to eat a little already, and I’m sure she will be ok, but of course, it will not be the same for any of us.

There’s other stuff going on, but for now, that’s all I have time for. I haven’t really had a full-night’s sleep for 2 months. For many weeks, Bibi was in an e-collar and on steroids, so she had to pee every 2-3 hours and couldn’t fit through the doggie door! I’m still trying to catch up, and I just feel exhausted every minute of the day. I said no to an art show I had already committed to and feel really bad about it, but I know I have to look out for me, too.

More soon! I promise.


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32 Replies to “Life Changes”

  1. Julie says:

    So sorry for you, so sad, it is awful to loose a loved pet. We are in a similar situation at the moment with our 15 year old best friend. He is in fairly good spirits but he is deaf and almost blind. He also has to pee so much, poor dog is worn out. I know I will have to do what you did for your pet soon. It is hard but the kindest thing we can do for them.
    Thinking of you. Xx

  2. Brieana says:

    I’ve been following you for what feels like forever and Bibi was so charming and precious. I’m sorry that her last months were difficult and sad.
    It’s been over a year since we had to put our 17 year old chihuahua down due to health problems and I know how hard that decision is. Even on the drive to the vet’s office, I was wondering if we should turn around and go home. She had health problems for many years and we were constantly wondering if we were “keeping her alive” for us or for her. Sam Simon actually said on a podcast that if they can’t do two of their three favorite things anymore, it’s time to let them go. Her three favorite things were pretty much sleeping/cuddling, lying in the sun and car rides, so the advice didn’t exactly work for us, but it’s something I always think about now, as my other pets are aging.
    You are an amazing dog mama. I know how hard it can be to constantly tend to your dog’s needs when they have severe health issues. She was a special girl and she’ll always love you.

  3. Lee says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss <3 Bibi was an absolute star and she was awfully lucky to live in such a caring and loving home, being looked after by a wonderful Mum <3 I lost my labbie/partner-in-crime just over a year ago to an inoperable tumor in her spleen. Hardest and most devastating decision of my life was letting her go. I miss her every day, but continue to look back on the happy times and know that the time we shared was magical. Over the coming days and weeks, scream when you need to, cry when you need to, be shitty and unsociable when you need to, SLEEP when you need to and although it is the last thing you feel like doing, look after you and smile because Bibi would want you to ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hang in there xoxox

  4. Kellie says:

    I’m so sorry, Twinkie. My heart goes out to you!

  5. Katy says:

    So sorry for your loss ๐Ÿ™
    I’m a married, childless, former cat mom. My 15 year old Molly died October 2016. My best advice is get another furbaby. I still haven’t and I think I am still sad because of it.

  6. Leslie says:

    Losing a dog is like losing one of the best parts of yourself. I am glad you had the strength to help Bibi for as long as you did, and I wish you, Manda, and Bunny all the best as you begin your journey without Bibi.

  7. Chris Lopez says:

    So very sorry for your loss. It’s so tough to let them go but you know she’s not suffering anymore. Take time to recover and heal your heart.

  8. Cheryl says:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

  9. meescha dare says:

    I felt like Bibi was my dog too ๐Ÿ™ This is so very sad to hear. I’m so sorry for your loss <3

  10. Carey says:

    I’m so sorry Twinkie. Bibi was a loyal friend to you for a long time, and you did the very best for her always. She’ll be in your heart forever. Love to you coast to coast.

  11. El Heart Eggos says:

    Im so sorry for your loss, Twinkie! Bibi will have a special place in all our hearts.

  12. Michelle Waite says:

    So sorry for your loss. Our pets are such a special part of our family, so difficult to let them go.

  13. Cate says:

    Oh gosh I’m so sorry that’s absolutely heartbreaking, I remember when you first got Bibi so I know how much she meant to you and how much joy she gave you. You did everything you could for her and I’m sure she’ll be forever in your heart. Take as much time for yourself to heal as you can I’ll be sending you all my thoughts and love xoxo

  14. Brigitte says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about this, rest in peace, pup. Having a sick pet is very draining, it’s like your heart breaks a little every hour. You’re in my thoughts!

  15. Karen Brathwaite says:

    Ms. Twinkie, I just wanted to give you comfort through this tough time it’s Psalm :23 in the Bible that Jesus gave us comfort and joy. So, don’t be sad as There may be weeping at night but Joy comes in the morning. I know that Bibi is happy with the Lord. May God strengthen you

  16. Erin A says:

    So sorry to hear about your baby pup. I hope she is at peace now and that can find peace in your life while you mourn. โค๏ธ

  17. Amy says:

    Oh no, that’s terrible! I am soooo sorry for your loss. ๐Ÿ™ I can’t even imagine how awful that must have been for you and Manda. I hope you’re coping OK. My sincerest condolences go out to you both.

  18. ifeelknitty says:

    Dear Twinkie,
    I’m so very sorry to hear of Bibi’s passing. I send you love and condolences at this terrible time. Take the time you need for yourself.

  19. yvonne says:

    Dear Twinkie, I’m so sorry about your darling Bibi. You are an amazing pet parent and you did so much for your daring Bibi. Give yourself some time to grieve the loss.
    Have you heard of the Rainbow Bridge poem? It’s a poem about dogs who have gone to doggie heaven. I know this link has a photo of a westie, but the poem is the same for those beloved animals who have left us.

  20. yvonne says:

    Hi Twinkie, I’m so sorry to hear about your beloved Bibi. You are an amazing pet parent. Give yourself some time to grieve. Have you heard of the Rainbow Bridge poem? Here is the link. It’s a lovely poem that I’ve shared with some friends when their pet has passed away. Take care of yourself.

  21. Rachel says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your puppy. We lost our cat Bella last year. It will take time, but it will get better. Take care of yourself!

  22. Chiara says:

    I’m so sorry for you lost. I send you a big hug. Chiara

  23. wooly brain says:

    Dear Twinkie, I have been through the same thing, it’s very hard to feel ok, but not feeling ok is alright. I hope you and everyone who loved Bibi get the comfort and love you all need during this very heartbreaking time. Wishing you wellness <3 <3

  24. Lady J says:

    I’m sorry that this is happening. Your love for your dog is the greatest gift she could receive. You’ve been good to her and she has been good to you. I’m sorry that you had to struggle with this decision. Take your time with this, find ways to take care of yourself if you can. Love and light, girlie.

  25. Angela Nelson says:

    My sincerest condolences to you. It has been nearly 10 years since we lost our darling Gus (Rhodesian Ridgeback) and I still get very melancholy. And I remember the horrible rawness and overwhelming grief at the time of his loss. It is all consuming and soul destroying. Stay strong, Twinkie. Give yourself the comfort that you offered Bibi a wonderful life with you. A happy, safe and loving home is all our furry little guys want and that is exactly what Bibi got with you. Allow yourself time to grieve. Now you need to spend time looking after yourself. You spent a lot of energy looking after Bibi, now you need to heal yourself. It is not easy, and I feel your pain. Allow yourself to cry and trust that the pain will slowly ease xxxxx

  26. Scarlet says:

    ๐Ÿ™ I am so sorry.

  27. Maxine says:

    My condolences for your loss.

    I agree with Angela Nelson’s advice to you to help you recover. Never let people diminish Bibi’s value by the saying, “It’s only a dog.” They do not understand.

    Dogs are extraordinarily wonderful animals and are the first of all species to spend their time with humans. In other words, dogs, of all the animals in the world, have the longest relationship with us.

  28. Terri Sanders says:

    I am truly sorry for your loss. I have been there myself.
    I do know that right now, another pet is the last thing on your mind. But for you & the others that have lost the furry members of the family, please consider fostering another, even for a short term, if you don’t think you can handle adoption. It will save another life just like you did when you adopted your first furry baby.

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      I just accepted a full time job, so I feel that would be unfair to a new pet ๐Ÿ™

  29. Erica says:

    I’m sorry for your loss! Hugs to you.

  30. Allison says:

    I’m so sorry! Hope you feel better… RIP Bibi

    1. TwinkieChan says:

      Thanks you so much ๐Ÿ™‚

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