Craft Wars Ep. 5: A Christmas Craft-tastrophe

Meet your craftestants!

Peaches: Ok, I know those are probably oranges on her apron, but “Oranges” is kind of a terrible nick name. Her outfit is so sunshiney and cute!

Mr. Vivs: This guy is from San Francisco and crafty, so clearly, I made him Vivianna‘s husband.

Lady80s: She mentions she has been crafting since the 80s. Me, too!

Since this episode is the Christmas Craft special, we were gifted with some costumed carolers.

Let it be known, internet, that those genius lyrics were mine, not theirs.

Pop Craft: make a wreath out of winter-wear in 1 hr.

Let it be known, internet, that those were HER exact words. She has a mouth, and I love her.

I wish I understood what Mr. Vivs’ design strategy was. He mentioned he was gonna make cones and put them on an embroidery hoop, but I couldn’t quite put it together in my head.

Btw, that is Tori crossing her fingers AND toes for Mr. Vivs. The judges were simply shocked by his change in plans with less than 30 minutes to go. BALLSY.

And…. I don’t want to talk about how Team Vivs wasn’t sure if “HOLIDAY” had 2 L’s or not. I get it. You’re stressed out. Your brains are all over the place. I’ll say no more.

Let’s turn everybody’s frowns upside down and talk about Peaches’ hot pink finger condoms to protect against hot glue. NEED THESE! STAT!

JUDGING BEGINS.

Peaches’ wreath was up first, with rolled fabric roses, yarn pom poms, and a lil bling. (I don’t know why my screenshots are so bad….! Some of you are saying that you don’t need to watch the episodes because you enjoy my re-caps, but they seriously don’t do the craft projects any justice, visually!)

Mr. Viv’s wreath was next. He ended up wrapping his wreath in fabric and gluing some stuff all over it.

Stephen: Crafting is knowing when to take a risk and change your plan.

Up next: Lady80s’ wreath: rosettes made of layered sweater, tulle, and newspaper, with sweater rosettes.

Erica said, “Your roses look like a ball of socks.”

But in the end, it was Mr.Vivs who packed up his glue gun. See you at Zeitgeist, dude.

Master Craft Challenge: Make a Christmas tree out of shipping supplies and wrapping paper.

Tori intro’d the segment with, “Everybody likes to get packages.”

The judges seemed to think this was hilarious.

Was that guy the boom mic operator? Was he somebody’s husband? Was his line a funny improv? So mysterious!

So, Peaches’ plan was to make a 4-sided tree out of shipping styrofoam, with 50s/60s colorful ornaments made of Christmas cards and more styro, with wrapping/tissue paper roses as the highlight.

Lady80s ALSO planned to make 4-sided tree, but made of wood, covered in chalkboard paint, with a skirt made of Christmas cards sewn together.

Here’s Peaches painting styro ornaments with a “pouncer (?)” to paint dots. LOVE THAT TOOL. Never heard of it before. Pounce pounce pounce.

HOWEVER, there is also BAD NEWS in the paint department.

Jo’s hot tip! Use Design Master paint for styrofoam.

OMG AWKWARD MOMENTS. The two trees are like totes samesies! (I began to wonder if this 4-sided tree was in Martha Stewart or O Mag or something.)

Lady80s’ team broke a lightbulb on their magnificent light bulb tree topper. Is no one concered about mercury poisoning? IS THIS OKAY? Is there mercury in there?! Poison gas?

JUDGING BEGINS.

Lady80s is up first.




Next, Peaches.


Peaches took a lot of heat because her colors seemed more Easter-y than Christmas-y, but I thought that the hot new thing in Yuletide has been to change up the traditional Christmas colors? No? Pastel Christmas? Anybody? AMIRITE?

Stephen chimed in with some conflicted color commentary, loving and chastising Peaches’ colors at the same time.

In the end, it was Lady80’s tree-topper that lit the way to her victory. In her own words,

She cracks me up. I wonder if she drops the F-bomb at home.

***

I don’t ever really intend to agree or disagree with who the judges decide to pick as the winner, but I just wanted to note that it seemed to me that Peaches had made the effort to use more of the challenge materials, and I wish that had been underlined more heavily.  Just sayin’.

 

 

 

 

 

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10 Responses to Craft Wars Ep. 5: A Christmas Craft-tastrophe

  1. Dude your recaps are the shiznit. They need to make you the official Craft Wars Commentator Recapper Lady Person. I would LOVE to watch this show only because of your recaps but no cable in my broke as a joke house.

  2. Well, I’d never *heard* of Craft Wars before reading about it on your blog … your recaps are awesome, but I couldn’t actually watch an entire episode – *CRINGE*!!! 😛

    • Twinkie Chan! says:

      I wasn’t sure I would love it after the first episode, but, you just have to be in the right mind set: this is a show about being resourceful with time and materials. I like it more now especially because I can see how all the contestants have formed a community. It’s kind of neat!

  3. Hey Twinks, Actually I don’t say fuck a lot cuz it is a bad word but if the situation calls for it I’m all for it. And, Fuck Yeah I did win. Love your recap, just like they edited out all our smack talking and I might add the best parts of the show, they also edited out all the materials that we used for our ornaments. WTF that’s all I’m saying!
    peace out
    lady 80’s

    • TwinkieChan says:

      Congrats on your win, Cheryl!!!!
      Thanks also for reminding me about heavy editing. NOTHING IS REAL> AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
      I would have loved to have heard the smack talk. They need to make a reel of extra footage!!!!

  4. Margot says:

    Twinkie Chan!

    You are at least seventeen different kinds of awesome! Thank you for the best birthday gift of the day! You can call me peaches, you can call me oranges…hell you can call me kumquat…but my friends call me Madge!

    I swear like a sailor on shore leave, but Madge keeps it clean on screen.

    Big love for the astute observations…I am a Technicolor girl in a khaki world.

    Craft on with your bad self.

    xoxo,
    Madge ‘Peaches’ Potter

  5. LisaW says:

    This episode has only just aired in Australia and I missed the end! Thank godness for your recap…totes awesome!! Bummed that Peaches didn’t win. I loved her festive fiesta of a Christmas tree.

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